I would have written this yesterday but we were doing the final packing of the house and driving to our holiday cottage.
Well after the great one line help from Martin Scott – which actually was very appropriate for the actual journey because the main motorway we had to go up was blocked and we had to do a pretty major detour through the middle of Wales, adding 2 hours to our journey, and then also made an error of judgement on a junction adding more to the journey. As always it was a struggle to enjoy the detours 🙂
Also I was really tired because I’d hardly slept the night before because of a chance comment from a neighbour. I’d popped round to ask our next door neighbour if he could put our recycling bins out on Monday and he just said that he was surprised how quickly our sale had gone and normally they take longer! Now I know that nearly everyone I know had said they thought it was taking a time, but we’d had this “picture” from someone about us going too fast. Ok that was back in October/November time but in the middle of the night it jumped and “attacked” me. I got caught up in the whole thing of timing and what if we’d got it all wrong. And that we shouldn’t be moving now, that we should stay put and wait. Oh and even moved on to worrying that I was abandoning my children. Ok they are 22 and 24 but it was 3am!
Oh and also he said about how expensive storage was. I then got down to the idea that I’d read the email from our removal company wrong and it was £72 a day not £72 a week. Well that was me gone. I had to get up at one point and have a cup of calming tea and pray. But as soon as I got back to bed the “demons of the night” came back to sow their doubts.
It amazed me how easy it was to go from certainty to doubt. But then that is what faith is all about. If we were certain all the time when we would have knowing rather than faith. Faith is being sure of what we aren’t certain about. Ok a bit of a paraphrasing there, but I do think that. If I was so sure of things then where would the steps of faith be? Faith certain of what we aren’t sure about!
Anyway I expressed by doubts and fears to Ian as we journeyed up. He was great and said about how it felt right to be doing this but actually even if we are doing totally the wrong thing in the wrong timing that’s ok. We have to work from where we are. And then he teased me to remind me that these were my words that I had said to him before 🙂