Change in Friendship

dscn0828I realised yesterday that I am grieving the loss of a friend. Not one who had died but one that was moving away. Since I moved to this town this person has been key in who I am and what I do here in my church life. She has spurred me on, stood by me when I’ve stepped out, filled in the gaps when they’ve needed filling. She isn’t the only but she has been one of the strong pillars that have given me the encouragement I have needed to step out. She is now doing, what I have done many times before, and is moving to another town.

I must be totally honest and say I am grieving. It isn’t the same as when someone has died, but it is a profound sadness. Things will not be the same. And if I am honest, I am not sure if I am brave enough to step out and do things without her. There is a team and it hasn’t just been me and her. Each of us has our role and our part but the part she filled will not be filled by anyone else. At least not in the team that is there. Things will shift. DSCN0826 (1)Things will change.

When I gave up a voluntary position recently I was sad and grouchy, similar to this. A wise friend told me to remember that, even though I chose to give up the role, I was grieving its loss. So even though I know that this friend is doing the right thing by moving I will still mourn her not being here any more.

One of my new year resolutions was to be kind to myself. I need to keep revisiting this. In fact I need to keep revisiting a lot of my resolutions – like the no meat, no dairy, no alcohol. All of which I have “failed” but I will keep going back to giving them another go but maybe not with that whole vigor of “a whole month of …” With each of the giving ups I have to keep revisiting and trying for just today. The same goes with the whole thing of being kind to myself. I need to remember that I am grieving and that I did struggle with the party for my friend last night because I didn’t want to be there.

sunset hands love woman
Photo by Stokpic on Pexels.com

So I will be kind and admit I’m grieving for the loss and change. Don’t tell me she is only an email away. It still means she won’t be at the next prayer day/in the next discussion for the next play/etc. The friendship will have change. And I will have to go through my stages of grief. And if at times it means I’m grumpy and out of sorts then I must be kind to me and let it be

 

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dianewoodrow

I married Ian in 2007. I have two grown up children, who I home schooled until they were 16. My son has just joined the army, my daughter has just moved to Cardiff. I have a degree in History and Creative writing and a PGDip in using Creative Writing for Therapeutic Purposes. Until Feb 2016 I lived in a beautiful part of England and now I live in a beautiful part of North Wales where my time is filled with welcoming Airbnb rental guests, running writing workshops, writing, serving in my local Welsh Anglican Church, going for long walks with my little dog, Renly, and drinking coffee and chatting with friends

4 thoughts on “Change in Friendship”

  1. Sending you big hugs, full of empathy xxx

    My best friend moved to Kent in September and life is… different without her. I don’t begrudge her going (I knew it would be great for her), but I miss the easy contact, the spontaneous meet-ups. And it has been painful. I understand your grief and will keep you in my prayers over the coming months.

    Lots of love, K *Dr. Kate Ellis.* *Christian, Vegan, Engineer.*

    On Thu, 10 Jan 2019 at 13:19, Aspirational Adventures wrote:

    > dianewoodrow posted: “I realised yesterday that I am grieving the loss of > a friend. Not one who had died but one that was moving away. Since I moved > to this town this person has been key in who I am and what I do here in my > church life. She has spurred me on, stood by me when ” >

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    1. Thanks, Kate. I do think with lots of things we need to learn that it is ok to grieve for changes whether in friendship, jobs, life etc not just save it for the “big things” like death or end of relationship. My other one for this year is to do the same for others – so like be patient with my mother-in-law for her grief over us moving, etc xX

      Like

  2. I’ve just started reading a blog post about zero waste and the author says these wise, and helpful, things about change (re less meat, dairy, alcohol) and I wanted to share them with you.

    > Too often people assume it has to be all-or-nothing, and if they can’t do > it all it doesn’t count and they shouldn’t bother. Wrong. > *It all counts. Every single action counts.*What you need is a goal that > is achievable and realistic for you, one you can feel good about and know > is within your grasp. Ideally one that involves no comparison with what > anyone else is doing. That will keep you upbeat as you work on making > change. > Let’s not forget that there will be slip-ups, mistakes and moments where > it all gets a bit too hard. See them for what they are, part of the > learning process, and *know that despite any backwards steps, you can do > this.* (Lindsay Miles, Treading my own Path)

    xxx *Dr. Kate Ellis.* *Christian, Vegan, Engineer.*

    On Thu, 10 Jan 2019 at 13:19, Aspirational Adventures wrote:

    > dianewoodrow posted: “I realised yesterday that I am grieving the loss of > a friend. Not one who had died but one that was moving away. Since I moved > to this town this person has been key in who I am and what I do here in my > church life. She has spurred me on, stood by me when ” >

    Like

    1. Wonderfully put and very much what I was thinking. With all “resolutions” whether food related or project related or personal behaviour related it is about walking little steps and not being too hard on oneself when you don’t make it. I like the idea that “one that involves no comparisons with what anyone else is doing” is a great one. So I am walking along my path doing my best. If the whole world does veganuary and dry January and I only make it to 5th then 10th etc then it is ok. It is not a contents but an inner change.
      Thank you so much for sharing XX

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