There has been a lot going on in my life at the moment and writing is not taking a high priority. In fact talking to some crafy people yesterday we realised that with knitting, croquet, felting, etc you have to fully concentrate on what you are doing. You might be able to watch a TV box set if you’re good but otherwise it is just you and the knitting, or whatever. I find the same with horse riding. That is the place where all I can think about is what I’m doing riding wise. It clears my head but I cannot ride for more than an hour or two a week – can’t afford it and physically it would be exhausting!!! But with writing you are using that part of your brain that “chatters”. So stilling the chattering chimp mind is close to impossible. So when life sends it’s challenges yes there is journalling but actually keeping with the “project”, as least for me, became impossible.
So why did I enter this competition? Because I am trying to set myself a challenge of getting a piece polished a month. But also this was something I clearly remembered. I was eight. So it is one of the early memories, but it is also cluttered up with the realisation, as a child, that all in the garden wasn’t rosy. I have written a much longer piece which you can find at Dorset – 21st July 1969
Here is the piece I won with:
A bungalow in Dorset, Monday 21st July 1969
Breakfast was eaten in silence. He was at his place at the table. She was on the couch watching reruns of “one small step for man” on the colour TV. He left for work and took one giant leap over the flower beds to his car.
If you compare the two pieces you will see how much has changed to take it from around 400 words to 50. But, for me, it has kept the essence of a moment.
It will be published by http://www.museumofwalking.org.uk around about 1st October. Check out their site and maybe even buy a copy? Also keep an eye out for other flash fiction competitions on the website.
I have realised it has been over two weeks since I last wrote. There has been a lot happening in my life so not much time to find head space to write. My days have been full of family visiting, my daughter’s graduation and then her visiting, as well as spending time getting ready for the open day at the community centre where I will be running some writing course in September.
It was strange but I felt really flat after the open day and had to ponder why. Some of it was because I had been really busy and was tired and needed some introvert time. With running a hospitality/Airbnb/room rentals house it can be hard to find that time. I need to learn to seize the moment rather than expect long days for just me.
Some was because it would have been my sister’s 53rd birthday yesterday. It’s odd but I miss her more and more as time goes past. There is that old adage that “time heals” but for me it seems to hurt more at certain times. And it got me thinking about anniversaries. There are so many and then can converge on each other and we have to choose how we look at them. We could focus on what isn’t, what has gone but then miss out on the good. As you should know I do not want to bury my grief but I do know the anniversaries of deaths, birthdays of those gone too soon, things that didn’t happen, coincide with good things – graduations, moving house, birthdays and weddings of the living – so much. Which way will I look?
This is some of what I journaled this morning:
As I look through the window at
the trees billowing
the small clouds drifting in front of the bank of trees on the hill
Marvel at the blessings
It would be so easy to remain
in this well of sadness
to count the losses
court the pain and
let them rule.
I want to list them to let the world see
how much I have to grieve
And yet …
I look out of my rain splattered window and know
that I am blessed.
Like that small cloud emboldened on the darkened landscape
I can drift
I can choose which way I look.
At the dark backdrop or
out to sea.
I can look up or can look down
I can choose, for now,
to take myself away
Like that small cloud I can enjoy the view
I can choose to marvel at my God
Today I choose to look and see
that I am blessed.
Today I choose LIFE!
Maybe not the greatest of poems but it says what we can choose. And so yes I do feel sad and needing space but also know that I am blessed.
I have a follow on to this about being open. Both the thing about perspectives and about living in the light seem to be reoccurring themes for me at the moment.